Alright BIIHers and fans around the world, I moustache you a question…are you excited for the Annual Movember Party? It’s Movember Madness and not only is BIIH the best beer league in the world, we throw one hell of a party. November 30, 2024, we’ve got beers, babes, guest appearances, and the Bullpen prepared to deliver some serious lip service. Where else besides BIIH can you find a group of adults with questionable skating skills and even more questionable facial hair choices? So grease up those handlebars, grab a beer, and dive face first into this week’s recap where the moustaches are as bold as the excuses for missed goals…
Game #1 saw the Bears faceoff against the Revs where pucks and lips were flying like moustaches in a 70s disco. Speaking of the 70s, Jordan Foreman starts this one off unassisted. Then the Bears rip again with Selly from Bob Xu like a perfectly groomed stache. Foreman picks up his second from Illya looking sharp like whiskers’ edges. Taylor Kelly then heads to the box for his ginger stache looking like a fiery caterpillar attempting a hostile takeover of his upper lip. It’s 3-1 at half. Foremans’ upper lip met his hat trick quickly in the second but this guy is still not growing on me…Rev’s finally joined the party with Peebles from Kelly with 12 minutes remaining, but Ian Medcalf seals the deal with one from Jordan and it ends 5-1. Just like a bad muzzy, the Revs were sparse and couldn’t quite connect for a solid victory…
The Expos took on the Warriors in Game #2 with a tension so palpable even Ames’ stache was sweating. 8 minutes in and we get one from Xinner, assists from Marko and Charlie. Fleming is patient like growing facial hair and bangs one in on the rebound. JZ with no hair on his lip or his head, also bangs one in before the Warriors put up one by Shuai from Hembrook and it’s 3-1 at the end of the first. The second half looked as patchy as Richie’s moustache for the Expos as the Warriors really grabbed the handlebars and came out hot. Neil tickled his fancy with one while Pavel and his face lace took two. This game was as close as Richie’s clean shave as he scored one for his team. JZ hit another and then we saw one from Warrior’s Ander Day. Mark Mungo, with his moustache, looking like the only company on his lips, sealed it for the Warriors’ at 6-5.The Expos looked like Richie’s moustache, trying hard to fill in the gaps, but falling short…
Game #3 and it’s the Bulls vs. the Oilers in a rivalry thicker than a lead detective’s lip sweater in a cop movie. Much like a lot of the Bulls, the first period saw very little action. It wasn’t until 3 minutes left in the 1st period that Rob Tabone finally stepped up with one from Noah. The Oilers with Scotty K from Murat and Jordan stached one before the half to make it tied going into the break. Jordy gets one from Alex and Tan Feng but then the Oilers looked like they were giving out free moustache rides for the rest of the period. The ultimate Bromos came out pretty hot with Kusy from Noah. Then we see Tabone riding from Kev and Noah back from Tabone. Noah, trying to make up for the devastating burn delivered by the All Seeing Puck last week, then scores two…I said what I said!! Baker and his lip lettuce get one unassisted and finally Kusy gets one from Noah. The 2nd period was all save a Bull, ride a moustache with this one ending 7-2. The Oilers were as weak as Cuttsy’s attempt at growing a moustache, gameplay thinner than a pencil moustache, unable to cover much of anything..
Game #4 and it’s the Phantoms taking on the Hot Wings. The Phantoms were nowhere to be seen, a lot like a lot of girls when BIIHers are doing Movember. The Puck saw LIam’s face furniture somewhere reffing so will give it to the Hot Wings.
Finally, the only battle that matters, the Tom Selleck, the Wendel Clark of moustaches if you may… the Parking Zone trophy. The crumb catchers and lady ticklers were out for this one, partying hard in a secretly stached dressing room well into the night. Rink guy was again accommodating, admiring the beautiful flavour savers of BIIH’s finest, wishing one day his very own moustache might grow in. The party moved outside with its lip sweaters fighting off the cold Beijing air, hoping to grow in before the Movember party…doubtful. The All Seeing Puck saw that the upper lipholsterys made their way to BIIH’s favourite place to lick their lips, Dirty Tony’s. The trophy was nowhere to be found, perhaps it wasn’t up for a tickle this night, but Gmoney’s nose neighbour stayed late into the night making a fuzz on and off the ice…
You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…
– The All Seeing Puck
