BIIH Week #6 – Behind the Beer Belly

TL;DR: BEER

 

Well BIIHers and fans around the world, your favourite beer league hit the ice again this past Sunday. Speaking of beer, I bet you’ve always wanted to know what your BIIH team would be like if they were a brew. Well every team has their own unique flavour, so grab a cold one as we recap Sunday night, taking a look at how our teams’ styles on the ice match up with our favourite beers…Cheers!

First, in an un-beer-liveable game, we had the Hot Wings taking on the Revs. Scoreless til ten minutes left in the half, we finally had a real crafty one from the Revs’ Maradona, assisted by Moose and Chesh. Chesh then keeping it frosty, picked up his own goal from Maradona and GMoney. Hot Wings won’t go scoreless in the first half as Liam sniped one with assists from Diener and Seb. It’s 2-1 for the Revs at half time. Hopping back into it, we see a brewtiful pass from Derek to Michael Peng for a breakaway. Will Liu then gets one unassisted and it’s 3-2 for the Revs. The Revs look like they’re sipping pretty until Mr. Moustache himself comes in on a breakaway and ties it up 3-3. Pour one out for the goalies in this game because it went to 7 shootout rounds. In an absolutely wild display, Diener shot without his bucket and didn’t even score. Baggsy and Gmoney picked up a couple, but in the end, it’s sip sip hooray for the Revs with Will Liu netting the game winner. Now I know what you’re thinking, the Red Wings are clearly non-alcoholic beer. An obvious choice, but in reality, they are Craft Beer. A little pretentious, slightly overcomplicated, used to be on trend but they’re getting a bit stale. The Revs on the other hand are Cheap Lager…a Tsingtao if you may. A safe bet if you’re desperate, always around, never anyone’s first choice…

In our second matchup, we saw the Bulls take on the Expos where both teams really poured their hearts into it. The Expos took first blood with a beauty pass from Larry to Ames in the high slot. The Bulls then hopped to it with Rob Tabone from the blue line. Cooker then raised the bar and knocked one in, followed by Kusy from Malmo. It’s 3-1 at the half and the Bulls are feeling lager than life. Special shout out to the Gold Ambassador himself Kyosti, coming in hot from Thailand for a special appearance, beer today, gone tomorrow…sadly. Second half and the Bulls keep it coming with another one from Tabone. The Expos, looking battered and boozed, try to get back into it with a goal from Flemming. Bulls keep at it with another one from Kusy. Cooker hops along for the ride again and scores his second of the night. Vitaly Vasenin nets his first BIIH career goal and the Expos get one more from Charlie, but it’s the pint of no return. The Bulls will win this one 6-4. The Expos are like Light Beer, ultimately just disappointing. No flavour, no substance, falling flat. The Bulls are an Imperial Stout, some like the gritty flavour and the intensity, others find them overwhelming and hard to stomach without feeling sick…

Game #3, straight from the tap we have the Warriors and the Bears. Starting it out for the Bears, Vlad scores his first BIIH career goal, assisted by Bob, LFG. The Bears are beer for a good time with Jordan from Vlad and Finn and then Ian Medcalf unassisted. The Warriors get an absolutely disgusting Peter Forsberg goal from Pavel, but the Bears are back with Selly from Greg and Ian. It’s déjà-brew with another one from Pavel. Bob gets one unassisted and then Ian again from Jordan. It’s 6-3 for the Bears. Let’s give it up for the next one with Bob from Olli, you heard it here first folks, Olli the goalie gets an assist. Joe heads to the box for tripping and Ian Medcalf secures his hatty. Finn gets in on the action from Jordan and Vlad and the Warriors are looking plastered. Pavel gets his hatty and Joe adds one for the Warriors. Pavel nets one more for the boys but we end with Vlad from Bob and Dan Penny making this one 11-6 and the messiest one we’ve seen since the Draught Party. The Warriors are Flat Beer, lacking life and excitement, you’re left wishing for something, anything, more exciting. The Bears are Craft Seltzer, the latest fad everyone is pretending to love, but deep down you know there’s little substance, ultimately just fizz with little flavour…

Game #4 saw the Oilers take on the Phantoms. I spotted a couple of Oilers so I guess I’ll give it to them. The Oilers are Hazy IPA. Trendy and vibrant, they create a buzz, however they leave you foggy and confused about what just happened in their matchup…


I can’t forget our dear Guardians. Guardians are Wild Ale. Unpredictably chaotic, they can either delight or disturb you in a single gulp. You never know if the next taste will be a unique twist or a taste of regret that lingers like poor officiating…

All right BIIHers, I’m going to be brew-tally honest and talk about the only thing that really matters, the Parking Lot trophy. This one stayed inside the big dressing room for quite awhile because, you guessed it, Rink Guy likes beer too and will happily take a bribe. We had some brew-tiful BIIH fans join us for the party, checking out all the six-packs in the room… six-packs of beer obviously. The Bulls really brewed up the courage to take this one, but the Expos were also sticking in to make up for their performance on the ice…Eventually, the crew took it outside where it felt like a cold Winter Ale. There were some hard-hopped truths as the Bulls and the Expos battled late into the cold Beijing night ending it together with a friendship truce. The Parking Lot Trophy is a Belgian Tripel. Those who play, play with refined skill and experience, packing a strong punch with finesse and strategy, much like a complex Tripel…

 

You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…

 

– The All Seeing Puck



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