Well BIIHers and fans around the world, we were back at it Sunday night for week #5 of the 2024/25 BIIH season. This is your friendly reminder that the “All Seeing Puck” sees everything and nothing is off limits. You may think that what happens on the ice, stays on the ice, but the truth is about to break. It’s not all beer and banter, behind the frosted glass of the Aozhong Ice Arena and the relentless concrete of Parking Zone, you will be exposed…

Let’s start with game #1 and the unmasking of the Hot Wings and the Bulls. We had the Hot Wings coming out quick with a goal from Liam, assisted by Baggsy. Michael Peng gets one unassisted and then Michael Diener, late to the game, possibly due to being hungover from babysitting Amy at the British Ball, knocks one in and it’s 3-0 Hot Wings. The Bulls aren’t buying it, we have Kusy from Baker and the Commish from Daurio. Georgie, possibly showing off to his gf in the crowd, gets one and it’s a tie game at the start of the second. Liam nets one with apples from the Worall siblings and Michael Li gets in on the action making it the night of the Michaels. We see matching penalties from Kusy and Worall late in the third, with a bit of friendly banter in the Box… we’ll leave that one on the ice. Finally, let’s expose Baggsy for being as cheap on the ice as he is off the ice and banging in an empty netter to really give it to the Bulls and end this one 7-4.

Game #2 and it’s the Oilers vs. the Warriors. The Warriors start this one out with one from Mungo, assisted by Pavel. Can we PLEASE make sure this is on the website so we don’t have to hear Mungo bitching about it…that’s right, let’s expose Mark Mungo for worrying too much about his stats, he’s clearly been hanging out with Phil Chen too much… Shuai then gets one with an assist by stats guy. Alex Ouellet slicked one back with an assist from Selam Abdu. Pavel slides one in before the end of the 1st and it’s 3-1 for the Warriors. Back at it with Pavel in the second period and response from Cap Scott K. Alex Ouellet is sent to the box and is exposed for chugging the Commish’s beer faster than he skated all night. Pavel tops his night off with the hatty and the Warriors take this one 5-2.

I have to go off track here and let the Commish expose himself for breaking the Parking Lot trophy…again.

It’s Game #3 with Bears taking on the Expos with the Bears unveiling their sick, pink jerseys.This one started out tight in the first period with a quick goal from JZ and an even quicker response from Bear’s Bob Xu. Our favourite guy with round glasses also banged one in for the Expos. By the end of the 1st it was 3-1 for the Expos, but the second half was a little bit of a different story exposing that the Bears looked like they went into early hibernation. It wasn’t pretty, even if Dan Penny looked pretty Travis Downing a beer in the box. JZ topped off his bald head with a hatty, and a few other Expos, Charlie and Xinner, put a couple in to end Sunday night with a 7-2 win for the Expos.

In game #4, it was a serious REVelation as the Phantoms were exposed to be nowhere to be found…

Now, it’s time to expose the true spirit of the BIIH. We all know, wins, losses and stats don’t matter, the only thing that matters is the Parking Lot Trophy. The Parking Lot is where the true champions are formed. At some point, everyone had a piece of the Parking Lot trophy which is now as broken as Liam’s leg was last season. In a particularly competitive Parking Zone, BIIHers and fans were treated to sprints by Gmoney, Mungo and Phil Chen. The sprint exposed that Phil Chen is a cheater, with several false starts. Even with cheating, he looked like a pylon out there, all those Parisian cucumbers didn’t help him get any faster. Mungo’s hiking boots slowed him down while Gmoney exposed his true talent, running in fancy men’s shoes and photo finishes. Mungo and Phil talked up a big game about winning the Parking Lot trophy, but exposed they’re all talk and took off pretty early. After working up an appetite, the Parking Lot trophy found its way to Dirty Tony’s where a surgery was performed. Exposing that English is not his first language, Gmoney left with the “Hard Hearned” Parking Lot trophy, paying homage to his dearly missed Parking Zone partner last year…”Get the Fuck out of my Parking Zone!”

You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…

– The All Seeing Puck