Well, this week’s update is coming from a place of love. How is hockey like marriage you may ask? Marriage is always having a two man advantage, skating around obstacles and there are penalties for misconducts. Both take teamwork, like letting others assist and letting your partner score, at least once a week…
Game #1 saw the winless Oilers take on the captainless Expos. Despite the new jerseys, the Expos were a lot like the classic love story “Titanic”, they looked good until they hit the ice. On the eve of his marriage, as hearts broke across China, Jordy and the slick Oilers dominated this game as if it was their last night of freedom…Goal after goal, like a scorned ex-wife, the Oilers took it to the Expos. They spread it around like a polyamorous union with goals from Jordy, Alex Ouellet, Feng Tan, Lintai, Marat and Tilo. A special spotlight on Justus, with his first BIIH career goal and then adding one more, along with two assists. At some point in the game, stand-in Expos Cap Larry, scored a beauty from new line mates Flemming and Ames. Despite their effort to wear white and steal the spotlight, the Expos couldn’t “Runaway Bride” with this one. The Oilers got their first win at 8-1, and all we can hope is that Jordy and his new bride can now hop on the Zamboni and ride into the sunset…
In Game #2 we see the beautiful union of the Bulls and the Revs. Aisle have to say, new guy Cuttsy hit it quick with his first BIIH career goal with an apple from Baker. The Revs, in something blue, quickly responded with Dave from Wei Lei. Will Liu, single and on his own, then scores on a picturesque breakaway. Dave and Will, like “A Love Story,” shared the love, and helped Taylor Kelly net his first BIIH career goal. LFG. Revs continued the attack with G Money from Wei Lei and Chesh from Maradona, both beautiful couples. It’s 5-1. Baker, fired up from all the Creed playing, makes it 5-2 with 19 and a half minutes left. Then we get one from the man of the hour, Moose. The Bulls take a timeout to figure out what they did wrong, they have no idea. Then it’s Will from Dragos, really tying the knot. Cuttsy is sent to the box for silent treatment and the game ends at 7-2 for the Revs. This one ends like “Two Weddings and a Funeral,” the Bulls dying a slow and painful death….
Game #3 and we start off with an “Indecent Proposal…” Moose as EBUG?? We have the Hot Wings vs. the Bears who are so short they look like the forgotten step child. Squirrel messes up real early and heads to the box. Power play Bears? More like power slay, Hot Wings kill it off…. And collect the life insurance. 6 and a half minutes left in the first and it’s 2-0 Hot Wings with Michael Li from Tiger and Baggsy from Asher. To close the half, Michael Peng gets one unassisted. In the 2nd period, multiple Oilers subbing for the Bears, stepped in like an unwanted stepdad, doing too much. Chris from Alex and Alex unassisted while Tiger sneaks one in and it’s 4-2 with eleven minutes left. Michael Li nets another and Tan puts one in the hole. “Before Midnight,” the deal is sealed with the Hot Wings taking another at 6-3…
Game #4, Phantoms v. the Warriors. We don’t know what to propose for this game because it seems the Warriors really ghosted…
Ring the bells, it’s time for the only matrimony that really matters, the Parking Lot trophy. No one had cold feet because the Bears’ locker room was fire hot with stand in cap Dan Penny leading the way. BIIHers really had to get down on a knee and propose to the rink guy to let us stay. There were beers, shotguns, and with enough convincing, and a little help from BIIHers, he even succumbed to the endless chants of “TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!” At some point, the crew made it outside, in the rain, which, superstitions allowed, is lucky on wedding day. Late in the night, the last four standing took it inside to have a private screening of Hamilton. Two BIIHers really gave real meaning to “I Love You Man,” singing every word to some Disney Plus show. As “Sleeping Beauty” slept, we came to the realisation, BIIH hearts are as fragile as the Parking Lot trophy, dropped once, broken in a million pieces…
You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…
– The All Seeing Puck
