Happy New Year, BIIHers and fans around the world! I hope you all left the flaming dumpster fire of 2024 in the rearview and came sliding into 2025 with sharp skates and even sharper chirps. It’s the second half of the BIIH season, and I, your trusty All-Seeing Puck, am back to hold up the brutally honest scoreboard of life to our beloved league, highlighting the beauty, the chaos, and the absolute disasters on and off the ice. While you were all fumbling your way through the holidays (and probably some questionable offseason conditioning), I was taking notes…deep, reflective, and slightly judgmental ones. And now, it’s time for some New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s face it, BIIHers, self-improvement is just a fancy term for “trying to suck less.” I don’t know about you, but Sunday nights at the ORG leave a void when they’re gone. So, let’s lace up, light it up, and get back to what we do best: missing passes, blowing 3 on 1s, and still pretending we’re NHL material. LFG!In our first match of 2025, we were treated to an Expos vs. Hot Wings showdown that could only be described as peak BIIH mediocrity. Both benches were an absolute joke, Expos stumbling in like a hungover disaster, while the Hot Wings somehow made them look organized with just seven skaters. New Year’s Resolution for both teams: Get your shit together, drink some water, and maybe text a sub or two before puck drop, for fuck’s sake. The Expos came out of the gate with Andreas from Vitaly trying to bring life to this sad crew. Ames then managed to bang one in with an assist from Richie and Flemmer. The Hot Wings responded with Baggsy from Michael Diener, followed by Michael Li returning the favor from Baggsy. Tiger, flying solo as captain these days (who knows when the fuck Liam will be back), stepped up big with one from Baggsy and then watched as Baggsy buried another off a beautiful feed from Michael Diener. It’s 4-2 Wings at the half, and the Expos look like they might fall apart faster than a BIIHers game at the club on a Saturday night. New Year’s Resolution for the Expos: Stop pretending you can “figure it out in the second half” and actually show up before the game starts. But to their credit, the Expos weren’t done. Richie cut the lead with a goal off Ames, and then the moment of the night happened: Newcastle’s own Alex Moore scored his first-ever BIIH career goal, assisted by Flem. Of course, the Hot Wings weren’t going to let the Expos have their moment. Michael Peng decided he wasn’t about to be overshadowed by those other Michaels and slammed one in to seal the deal. That’s right, three Michaels hit the scoresheet in one game, there hasn’t been this much buzz about Michaels since… The Hot Wings took this one 5-4 but looked miserable, New Year’s Resolution is to calm down and crack a smile. The Expos could have taken this one if they didn’t have so many penalties, New Year’s Resolution is to cut the crap with the penalties. Five in one game? You’re not tough—you’re just giving the refs more cardio than they signed up for…Our next game featured the Oilers and the Revs. Captain Jordy opened things up with a goal from fellow captain Scott K., proving that the Oilers’ New Year’s Resolution isn’t “spread the wealth.” Will Liu clapped back for the Revs with help from Peebs, but Bird quickly followed up with a classic BIIH beauty, kicking one in with his knee from SSG. Jordy added another from Tilo because why not, padding the lead. Somewhere in that mix, more goals happened. But, let’s be honest, The All-Seeing Puck’s New Year’s Resolution is clearly to stay sober enough to pay attention and… maybe work on spelling. At the half, it’s 6-2 for the Oilers, and the Revs looked like their New Year’s Resolution should’ve been to show up before the second period. But wait! Will comes out unassisted in the second half and then picks up another from Peebs. The Revs finally realized it wasn’t an optional skate and took a timeout to regroup. Whatever they said in that huddle worked, because Taylor Kelly scored to make it 6-5, turning this one into an actual hockey game. Unfortunately for the Revs, the Oilers weren’t about to let a “New Year, New Team” comeback ruin their night. Alex Ouellet buried one from Scott K., and then McStefano, scored his season opener. It ended 8-5 for the Oilers, whose New Year’s Resolution should be to avoid pulling an Edmonton Oilers and choking when it matters most. As for the Revs? Let’s be honest, their resolution is simple: just win a damn game in 2025…Our third game of 2025 had the Bulls taking on the Warriors in a matchup that started as tight as a BIIHer’s pants after the holidays. Neil opened the scoring for the Warriors with a goal from Triple W, and Ander Day, but Kusy responded for the Bulls with an assist from Younger to make it 1-1 with 7 minutes left in the first half. Howie decided resolutions were overrated and netted one from Kusy and Scott before the break, giving the Bulls a 2-1 lead. After the half, Georgie, fresh off an extended hiatus (or hibernation?), picked up another from Scott, and Howie found the net again thanks to Baker. Kusy added insult to injury with his second, assisted by Georgie, stretching the lead to 5-1. As the Warriors spiraled, Norbie decided it was time for a dramatic entrance to the penalty box for tripping. Not to be outdone, Savitch followed up with BIIH’s favorite penalty: cutting the crease. OK Wang managed to sneak one in from Mungo, but let’s be real—this game was deader than your attempt at Dry January. Final score: 6-2 Bulls. New Year’s Resolution for the Warriors, consider scoring before the game is completely out of reach. New Year’s Resolution for all BIIHers, make 2025 the year you learn what “cutting the crease” actually means so you can argue with the refs more effectively…Game #4 was supposed to be Bears vs. Phantoms, but the Bears apparently rang in 2025 by ghosting the league entirely, except Bob who put on the stripes to ref a couple… We love you Bob! New Year’s Resolution for the Bears: Try showing up, you cowards… Forget goals, assists, or even winning games—the only resolution any BIIHer should have is to snag the coveted Parking Lot Trophy. And judging by the post-game antics, the boys are all in for 2025. The locker room was buzzing harder than a massage wand, you could practically feel the bromance in the air. Honestly, it was adorable. Beer showers, shotgun races, and music so loud it probably pissed off rink guy. I think you all really missed each other—and that’s sweet, but let’s not get too soft, eh? Of course, the celebration spilled over to BIIH’s sacred ground: Dirty Tony’s, where all New Year’s Resolutions for “hotter bods” and “cutting carbs” were annihilated faster than a breakaway in the third period. Crispy potatoes and Tsingtaos flowed like water, and with every bite, another promise to “hit the gym” crumbled into sweet, greasy nothingness. And then there were the legends: Mark Mungo, TripleW, and the Commish, the heroes of poor life choices, who stayed late enough at Dirty Tony’s to ensure their entire week was ruined. New Year’s Resolution for you three: Just keep doing what you’re doing—we need this kind of commitment to chaos.

BIIH is officially back, folks. The beers are cold, the potatoes are crispy, and your resolutions never stood a chance…

You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…

– The All Seeing Puck