Welcome home, BIIHers and fans from all corners of the globe! The weekend was nothing short of a legendary tour stop, and this past Saturday, the BIIHers proved once again why they are the rockstars of beer league hockey. It all went down at Tribute, where the stage was set for the show of the year. The Bullpen? They came to slay. Tarps flew, groupies formed (because, of course), and the BIIH family flexed its true off-ice talents… drinking. Ames, rocking the mic with the Commish and Liam, turned up the heat and reminded everyone that when she sings, she’s almost tolerable. Selline smashed the spotlight with an electrifying tribute to Canada’s National Treasure, giving a performance that could only be described as inspiring, particularly when you’re 4 beers deep. After a year-long hiatus, The Bullpen returned to the stage and absolutely rocked the crowd, leaving the place buzzing. Word on the street? The All-Seeing Puck heard about the epic show, where BIIHers and fans rallied for a great cause… even if they were practically bullied into buying raffle tickets. Kudos to those who made it to the ORG on Sunday night for Week #12 of the BIIH season. Now, buckle up, turn the volume up to 11, and let’s stage dive right into this week’s recap. It’s time for some high-octane hockey action!The lights drop, the crowd roars, and the stage is set for an epic showdown between the Hot Wings and the Bulls. For most of the first period, it looked like everyone was trying to get the sound right as it remained scoreless. The Hot Wings finally made some noise, but it was more like a dying mic check when Diener had to ditch the show for a humiliating penalty box solo. The Hot Wings followed that up with too many men, you’d think with that many guys they’d cover someone. Younger then snuck one past the goalie off Kusy’s power play assist. Diener wasn’t about to let the Bulls steal the spotlight without a fight. He sniped one off Tiger and Baggsy’s setup like it was child’s play, then added another off Seb’s dish just to rub it in. By the mid-show break, it was 2-1. Second Period, Commish caught the crowd’s attention with a goal from Kusy just 3 minutes in. But Kusy? He was the headliner, scoring unassisted like he was the only one on the stage. Diener answered back for the hat trick. Bulls, you made Diener look like Gretzky out there, which is damn near impossible… Deryk Worrall, pulling off a surprise solo, scored off Liam’s assist, but Kusy once again brought the noise, scoring to tie it up at 4-4. Then came the most mind-blowing moment of the night, Kusy, acting like someone was filming his highlight reel, scored unassisted at the buzzer, bringing the house down like the final encore of a sold-out stadium. Kusy doesn’t need teammates, just a puck and some of you flailing in the background. Kusy’s game-winner wasn’t just a goal, it was an obituary for the Wings’ undefeated streak. The bench looked like they’d just been dumped in front of the whole school…The crowd was still buzzing for the Oilers vs. the Warriors, and folks, this was one for the books. Tilo opened the night by torching the Warriors’ defense, who looked like they were still figuring out why the fuck they were at QS until 4 a.m. Then, Tan Fang slammed one in from Marat for the Oilers. Lintai Li, stealing the spotlight like BIIHers steal hearts, scored a solo hit. But it was Tilo again, from Abdu and Lintai to extend the lead. Oilers were sharing the love like BIIHers after taking off their tarps. But just when you thought the Warriors were going to be stuck in the opener, Mungo ripped one unassisted to put the Warriors on the board and make it 4-1. Lintai came back like a pro and grabbed another one from Shaogang Shi. Pavel then buried one from Shuai Zhang for the Warriors. It’s 5-2 at the break, and the Warriors were still trying to figure out what side of the ice they were defending. Then came the headliner of the night, Tilo completing his hat trick with an assist from Bird, making the Warriors look like pylons. Scott K also got in on the action, picking up an assist from Ouellet and then Alex slamming one home unassisted, because why not? In the end, the Oilers put on an 8-4 clinic, leaving the Warriors to clean up the ice, their shattered dignity, and whatever scraps of self-respect they could find, kind of like the newly formed Bullpen groupies after last call. The Oilers were a symphony of dominance, while the Warriors? They shit the bed harder than BIIHers screeching at KTV with a mic in one hand and a beer in the other…The night was still young when the Expos took the stage to face off against the Bears, and this one? Well, this one had all the drama of a sold-out arena concert, if half the band was drunk and the other half forgot their instruments. Superstar Selline kicked things off like a rockstar, scoring with assists from Vlad and Bob Xu. But the Expos weren’t here to just be the opening act. Larry, fired back with a goal from Richie. Forman struck for the Bears, assisted by Finn Brown and Carl Gielnes. Ames, stepped on the puck, which somehow counted as an assist to Richie for the Expos’ next goal. Congrats, Ames, you’re officially more useful as roadkill than a hockey player. Selline, like a true star, struck again with another goal from Vlad. Then, Bob Xu, who was clearly on fire tonight, slammed one in with an assist from Forman and Yogurt. Bob Xu picked up another one from Forman. Bobby calm down man, it’s beer league, not your NHL tryout. David Fleming decided to remind everyone he was there with an unassisted beauty, probably because trusting his team would’ve been riskier than a BIIHer blacking out at Bacardis. By halftime, it was 3-2 for the Expos, and the crowd was feeling it. Larry scored another, but don’t worry, his attendance is as consistent as his tinder matches. David Fleming popped in another one, assisted by Jeff Zownir, and we were back to the greatest hits collection. The Bears weren’t giving up that easily, though. Selline, continuing to rock out, scored again, keeping the Bears’ hopes alive. The final buzzer sounded, and it was the Expos who walked off stage with the 7-6 victory. Hey Bears, this isn’t Thailand, no happy endings for you tonight…For the 4th set, we saw the Revs vs. Phantoms. Surprisingly the Revs showed up like an opening act nobody wanted to see so I’ll hand this one to them…I also want to give it to the Guardians, who truly block shots like the Bullpen thought they were blocking girls’ advances on Saturday night…

For the encore act, the only reason you shelled out for tickets to the show, the Parking Lot Trophy. The BIIHers, hungover and still reeling from the Bullpen’s ear-shattering set, somehow managed to drain a couple of beers like desperate groupies clinging to the dream of backstage passes and a chance to meet the Bullpen. Rink Guy, clearly not a fan and unaware he was in the presence of BIIH royalty, took one beer to give the BIIHers precisely 4 extra minutes in the dressing room before moving this concert outside. Thief! Then, the tragedy struck. The worst parking lot photo in BIIH history was taken, a crime against photography so heinous it should come with a trigger warning.You guys looked less like strung-out rock stars and more like nightmare fuel. I won’t even post it, not because I care about your reputation, but because I don’t want that trainwreck contaminating my camera roll. Despite the early wrap-up (cowards), the Expos snagged another win in the Parking Zone. I’ll allow it, but only because I know Saturday hit harder than a slap shot to the ankle. Even this cold, dead Puck’s heart is defrosting just a touch before the holidays. Don’t get used to it…who am I kidding, I’ll still post the photo!

You won’t win the Parking Zone next week…

– The All Seeing Puck