PAST TOURS - Bangkok November 1997
Beijing International Ice Hockey

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25 December 1997

This has taken a bit to compile. After missing work, it was best to put my nose to the grindstone and someone else would record the Glorious Events which took place in mystical land of Thailand. But no one else did.

So it was done, so let it be written, the epic events which took place thousands of kilometers from the home of Sticks and Pucks. 

Game I – Vs. Hong Kong Selects: 2 – 12

In the beginning… there was a bad game… a very bad game. The news of Beijing International’s 12-2 loss to Tom Barnes’ Hong Kong Selects shot around the hockey world faster than Pavel Bure. Perhaps it was the ice (so soft that next year when we return, we expect to find the remains of lesser Thai hockey players still stuck there like flies in amber), possibly jet-leg, possibly the demoralization of the first two shots from center ice miffing our usually solid guardian de but, or possibly it was the fact that the players were too new to the one another and had not yet “jelled.” Anyway, the majority of the players feel that explanation is as simple as it was the morning after the first late night… the exploration of “Pat Pong.” 

We were not used to seeing boys with breasts, more beautiful and shapely than the natural womanly selection available in the PRC. We were not accustomed to playing hockey after only 3 hours of sleep. Not used to playing “sauced…” Except of course for THE KID… who dared not venture out of his room… and was safely tucked in bed by 10pm… alone… and except for Count Draxler, who always played sauced!!! 

The annals need not say more of this first game, other than that goals were recorded by Beijing’s two guest players; Don Shewchenko – an Albertan in Exile, imported from Ft. Worth, Texas (History recalls his banishment from the 1996 Hong Kong Budweiser Cup for enlightening the referee about the proper signals for infractions), and a Bangkok player whose name has already been forgotten. 

How could a team recover from such a demoralizing defeat? What could Beijing’s Boyz in Black do? Return to Pat Pong!!! Some veterans turned in early, but the young bulls carried the torch onward. Sponsors had heavily subsidized the previous night’s activities, blessing the team with Champaign and roses… but without their financial support on the second night… the younger generation appreciated the depreciation of the Baht (1US$ = 49 Baht) and went forth to booze it up on Meikong and vodkas!!! Soon surrounded by the delightful doctored breasts of boys, they gained confidence… and mentally prepared themselves for the next day’s battle against the Mighty Camels of Dubai.   

Game II – Dubai Mighty Camels: 2-1

With Dubai’s goal protected by the Knight of Night and Defender of Net – Jimmy Powers, the Camels are left free to roam the bars, filling their humps with alcohol to last the long hot days of Bangkok. They may not be the offensive powerhouse in the Asian region (with players like “Stone-hands” Chris Renolds, but their net-minding always proves impenetrable. The first day, they had lost to Hong Kong by a close score of 2-1. 

Regrouped and focused on defense, Beijing allowed only a handful of shots in the 1^st period, and all of which were skillfully handled by our confident minder, Robert Pascal. After one stunning save in the 2^nd period, a frustrated Camel lowered his hump and hair-lip and charged our goalie. Not appearing too serious, but in extreme pain, with perseverance, Robert played on. Vive l’esprit d’hockey!!! Rattled, and playing in pain, Robert let in a weak shot. The team then rose up to defend their net, inspired by Robert’s determination. “If he can play in pain, we can do it with only 9 skaters!!! (The Kid was lost in the 1^st period with a broken skate) 

In the closing seconds of the 2^nd period, the Men from the North started their comeback. With the clock counting down… 30… 29… 28… Ray Plummer got a pass at center ice from Roman the Russian Rocket, drove around Dubai’s defensemen, and sniped a wrist-shot over Power’s glove. The buzzer sounded, and the game was tied at one going into the 3^rd. 

With Pascal in pain, the team played their best defensive hockey ever. Dubai’s offense was shut down, and it was a team effort by all of Beijing’s 9 skaters. With only three defenseman, Benz, Lavoie and Plummer all stood their men up at the blue-line (Dubai will issue limited edition T-shirts saying “I was hit by Ray Plummer and survived). The Rocket was back-checking (no that’s not a typo… he learned it from the Canadians… along with hustle). When Dubai got the puck, Cumming and Draxler were pressuring and fore-checking. The team used up time when possible, icing, freezing, dumping, but always pressuring. Dubai’s 15 skaters tried and tried, but even when they did get shots through, Pascal stamped the puck like a Canadian Immigration Officer working in Beijing… “REFUSED!!!” 

Tired and exhausted, with 5 minutes remaining, The Russian Rocket ripped a slap-shot to the blocker side… Power goes butterfly with a hockey card save… then Rob Gray picks up the rebound and fires the puck home!!! 2-1!!! And Beijing holds on to win!!! 

Smart hockey won the game. Positional hockey with hustle. This was the best performance for Beijing in the past 3 years. They came back after a crushing defeat, and showed that they were more then just the Pathetic Peking Pucks… or Ducks…. 

But the victory came at a costly price, Robert Pascal was forced to retire to the bench and beer for the rest of the tournament with 3 cracked ribs. He had played valiantly and successfully. Persevering pain, he lead the team to victory in heart, and in net.   

Game III – Bangkok Canstar: 4-0

Having only a few hours rest, Beijing went forth against the local favourites. The winner of this game would play for 3^rd place.... the loser for 7^th… and would have to get up at 5am!!! More than just pride and placement was riding on this game… this game was being played for Sleep!!! 

Though traditionally not a household name in Hockey, Bangkok’s Thai team were fresh, fast, quick, agile and very very numerous (a bench of 20-plus players versus our 9) and they too did not want to rise the next morning at 5am. 

Beijing tried to to be too confident, but after 3 minutes, a clean draw from Cummings back to Plummer resulted in a pick-top rocket Monster-shot from the point… missing Roman’s face by inches, but hitting home in the net. 1-0!!! First Blood!!! Beijing did not let up, and a few minutes later, the Kid, Sean Elder, with new skates he proved that he wanted to play by rifling a snap-shot pick-top from the right boards. Mike Crawford followed suit by blasting one past their shell-shocked goalie seconds later. When the buzzer sounded, it was 3-0 after one period! 

Fatigue and confidence set in, but the team’s defense remained solid, and Beijing’s guest goalie from Hong Kong handled the few shots in the second and third period. Had there been a 4^th period, Beijing most likely would have run out of gas. Then like a final nail in the coffin, Roman Lebedev broke out of Beijing’s end, weaving through the Thai players like a worm through Benzie Cheese. Reaching the hash-marks, and all alone, The Rocket sniped a snap-shot home, and Beijing closed with a convincing victory. The second victory of the day, and another well deserved “X” in the win column. 

Revelry was light that night, players resting… knowing that Beijing’s reputation had been severely tarnished in that opening game, and that here was the chance for redemption (also nagging in the minds of Beijing’s veterans was the memory of their poor showing in Hong Kong in March of 1997 with uninspiring finishes of 7^th and 11^th place).   

Game IV – Taipei Dragons: 5-0

And Redemption it would be!!! 

In the dressing room prior to the game, the captain of the Taipei Can-Tai Dragons asked Roman, “Where are you from… Mongolia?” “NYET!!! Rrrrussia!!!” And their mistake had been made. They ignited the Russian rocket, who had been in a relative state of Russian bearish hibernation through the tournament. 

It was like a return to the happy days of the Cold War… Russian Power!!! Lebedev, reunited with his old line-mates Yari Lehikoinen (a Finnish veteran of Beijing hockey residing and working in Bangkok) and Don Shewchenko, was his own show, taking passes from teammates, proving without a doubt that he was no Mongolian, but the proud product of Moscow Spartek. Roman gave a clinic on puck control, movement, and shooting. By the midway point of the 2^nd, the Rocket had already completed a natural hat-trick, and would skate by Taipei’s bench muttering “Mongolian my ass!!! Yi di na huai!!!” 

Roman was not the only offensive power as the “Grind” shift came alive. Tom Cumming, Norbert Draxler and Mike Crawford, who had chased the bouncing black puck for days, finally got good rubber (no… not just Trojan Rubber… this is hockey now…). Cumming potted two goals and looked like he too would get a hat-trick, but fell short by one goal. Cumming was the ironman of the tour, playing and partying like the Canadian he is… regardless of nearly coughing up a lung due to pneumonia (later diagnosed in Beijing). 

Swiss Magic had returned with Benz in flying form. He too was ill, suffering from food poisoning for the first two days of the tour… but the bug was killed by vodka… and he was a superb defenseman, skating and passing the puck cleanly out of Beijing’s end. Lavoie’s stay-at-home style helped saved the shutout many a time. Plummer was a rock on the blueline, swatting down opponents without getting penalties, and the guest goalie for this game was non other than Knight of Night… Defender of Net – Jimmy Power, who was rewarded with his first shutout of the tournament, and Beijing’s second!!! 

After suffering the worst defeat of the tournament, Beijing went on to allow only one goal in the remaining three games, recording two shutouts. Beijing placed 3^rd convincingly, and if it were not for the first day, who knows… Hong Kong can just consider themselves lucky to have won this tournament.   

The Aftermath

Beijing’s sponsors were ecstatic with their team’s performance. Like all professional hockey players, the men (and boy) received their bonuses. After 3 days of grueling play, and three now tattooed, emblazoned with maple leaves, the Beijing-ren retired to a Turkish Bath house to be cleansed and massaged before the evening’s awards banquet. One player commented on just how strong the hands were of the woman massaging him. He surely enjoyed the fruits of his labours. Clean, rested and culturally enlightened, our heroes returned to the hotel to be lavished with more honours. The local residents of Bangkok will not soon forget with musical pick-up truck, with a dozen hockey players hanging out, drinking beer and vodkas, singing a stirring rendition of “Swing Low.” Nor will the city’s shrubbery forget the alcohol poisoning they received from Count Draxler.

        GAA                                       3.25